08 Apr take as long as you need… grieving… sad
I come before you today, nervous.
For I am not the same as before.
I no longer have any abuelos, no grandparents.
Not 6 months ago I had two.
Today, my parents are my elders.
And in some ways I am not ready to treat them so.
They are not much wiser than me.
And I am not as wise I need.
The old ones have left me.
They’re showing me my teeth
Are not my own but theirs
Passed down for me.
Take ’em back. You can have ’em.
I’d rather have you here.
Jolly eating soft foods
All throughout the year.
No child, we are with you.
Your blood, my blood we share
This wisdom has not left you
We promise, you are in care.
What shall I do now?
Now that you are gone?
Write for us, dear one…
For you are all of us.
Can I call upon you? Will you answer me?
You can call upon your heart, for we have never left.
I’m no good at calling upon her, I doubt her all the time.
No more. NO MORE I say. Trust us, I promise to always be listening. ..
But it’s your words, it’s your guidance I need…
And your ears, I suppose.
But I also want your hands, your feet, your eyes… to help me along this road.
Yes, those will rot, you cannot count on me there.
But look down and see, your painted toe nails and what do you find?
Your feet!
Take care as if they were mine. You know how much I love them.
For now your feet can walk,
And mine will feed the mites.
So walk dear child, go. Be true to who you are.
For who you are is part of me
The part of me that lives on.
I’m brass, I’m tired, I’m sad, I’m aggressive, I’m organized, I’m haughty, I’m easily convinced, I’m loving, I’m slow, I’m lonely, I’m scared, I’m confused, and angry, and disgusted.
There are too many feelings and characteristics to describe… how can I be all these things and still bring you joy?
I want to do you right. I want to make you proud. And instead I feel like a loser, a failure.
Do you consider us failures? No. Do you consider us successes? Kinda. Har har har, you did the best you could.
And that is all we ask of you.
Thank you.
You’re welcome. Come back anytime.